Sunday, April 25, 2010


August could not come soon enough and slow enough. The pressure at times feels overwhelming, trying to prepare for so much. In a way, getting ready for the full-time program, I feel like I need to completely finish this chapter in my life or I won't be able to focus on the next one. For the last year, my focus has been playing creatively with a variety of projects. A few spec commercials that I produced last August are finally almost done and are getting some traction. It would be amazing if we could recoup our funding and sell them before I start school. This is just one of the many little goals I would love to accomplish before I embark on this new crazy "academic" section of my life. Even while completing my undergraduate degree, I worked. I always worked on films and creative projects. While I believe school does not completely hinder this side of myself, I feel like it needs to go into hibernation, if only for practical reasons.

I hope that my friends and family and boyfriend (who is also in the film industry) will keep me connected, allowing me the blessed closeness and distance to my field. I am ready to learn something new, stuck in a career rut that won't allow me to achieve my ultimate goals. However, this summer feels like the last hurrah from my "old life." My last fling of creativity for a while, except for this blog. I am hurriedly trying to finish a comic book proposal that I've been working on with my boyfriend before Comic-Con and feel like after that, which occurs during the end of July, I'll officially be a "student." A real, full-time student. Terrified is probably an accurate word.

For now, I will remain a juggler, meeting with financial aid, attempting to secure loans, and holding on the part of me that would kind of like to stay in the simple, known world I exist in. But I know that isn't reasonable nor would it truly satisfy me in the long run. For every step I take forward, I have to untie the strings that bind me to safety. And that's ok. I think.

Friday, April 23, 2010



It's the second after an event where your reaction surfaces and your emotions bubble. It's in that instantaneous silent second where future opinions are created and stereotypes live. It's where expectations gather and you categorize your feelings. Whether the moment be as big as watching the towers fall or as small as the second after you say goodbye, it's within the seconds after the moment where you assess and address what has happened. Sometimes it is within the crinkling of your cheeks, gathering together to form a sly smile. Sometimes it is within the furrowing of your eyebrow and the gathering of your forehead, perturbed by the event. It is also with these miniscule reactions that people judge you.

Often people read too much into the smallest twitch or accidental wiggle. Reactions building on reactions building on reactions yet no one truly knows the catalyst that formed the first reaction. This is the moment where miscommunication lies. Not in what is said, but the silence. In the reactions that we read into. I watch you brush your hair back and identify a widespread emotion for what may have been an itch. Is it boredom? Is it insecurity? Is it longing? It was just an itch, sweetheart, and here you are off on an internal tangent of possibilities. I catch myself caught up in the seconds after the real moment and I'm left longing and lingering on what just happened. And my brow furrows in thought as a co-worker approaches. No, I don't hate you. I'm just thinking.

Fingers and the story they tell

**WRITTEN ON APRIL 19, 2010**

Today will be a more interesting day then anticipated.

I head to work at my “fascinating” temporary position working for the Census Bureau as an office clerk in recruiting and administration. Killing time and trying to pay off some credit card debt before I begin Pepperdine in the fall, this job is beginning to grow on me. I have been working here for a month now and today is the second day in our big processing of 800 enumerators. Wow, I am so jazzed for this week. Bring it on.

I can tell you why I am jazzed. I have found a skill I am pretty fantastic at, a real natural. I am so good at said skill that I have already begun training the other clerks in my methods. I am called upon when things get tough and I am the go-to gal. Fingerprinting. This is my new hidden talent. It amazes me that I could have this skill hidden in my repertoire and not even know it. Last week, after only a half-day of training and one set of practice prints, I was flung into the chaos. These have to be FBI classifiable prints and as I have discovered, working for the government is no joke.

For at least 4 hours today, I will be handling many people, twisting their arms in bizarre ways and showing them things they also did not realize about themselves. Just as this skill materialized in a unique way, scars and memories and little stories reveal themselves within our fingertips. Today I learned about a man who had lost his right index finger in a construction accident. A woman hadn’t realized that years of accounting had created tons of micro-scars from all the paper cuts. Another woman revealed herself to be a female boxer in her twenties whose finger hadn’t set right. Throughout my day, these minor self-revelations and introspective memories came flooding back. You could see people smirking to themselves or getting remarkably pensive, surprised or quieted by the revealing prints.

Despite the everyday repetition of this task, I found that the people kept me thoroughly engaged. As a filmmaker, these little stories remind me to dig deeper, not only within you, but also in the story and in the characters. You never know what you may be capable of. Just last week, I was begging not to be fingerprinting people, uncomfortable with the ink and invading people’s personal space. And now, I’m the “expert,” the “resident troubleshooter,” and adorable other nicknames that my colleagues have bestowed upon me. Not only does it make me smile, but also there is some pride in doing anything well, even something you will never have to do again in your life.

At least now I know I have options as a back-up career. Maybe tomorrow I will look at FBI applications. Today, I will finish off my day with some friends and some “research”: going to see KICK-ASS! No matter what my day job is, there will always be time for my real passion. I can’t wait to see Hit Girl do wildly inappropriate things for a 12 year old. People really can manage to surprise you, characters or otherwise.

Quick facts about the blogger

My name is Hannah and I am a 26 year-old aspiring film producer. For the last 6 ½ years, I have lived in Los Angeles and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I have an east coast personality, having grown up in Maryland. I am the oldest of four children, six if you count my step-sisters, and I don’t know how to not be in charge.

My parents are divorced and are both happily remarried to amazing people who I love dearly. I can honestly say I have one of the craziest but most loving families in the world. We’re Jewish, so that pretty much explains the crazy part.

I have varied interests that range from a sick love of NHL hockey, specifically the Washington Capitals and adopted western conference favorite the Anaheim Ducks, to horseback riding and attempting to travel to all fifty states by the time I’m 30.I’ve been to 36 so far. If I spent the time to list all my other random fascinations, you would be reading for weeks. Just know that Princess Bride is my favorite film and no, I don’t have a favorite musician, but Billy Joel often rocks my socks.

For the last six years, I have worked in the film industry, starting at Madonna’s now-defunct Maverick Films, then interning at ICM Talent Agency, followed by getting my real break in the Paramount Story Department. After 2 ½ years there, I moved on to Robert Cort Productions where I was promoted to Creative Executive. Due to financial reasons, I was laid off and began an introspective journey to figure out where the film industry was headed and if I pictured myself going along for the ride.

After producing three spec commercials and continuing to work with writers, I decided that film is exactly the industry I want to be in, even if it is in complete flux right now. That eventually led me to pursue my MBA, which I will begin this fall at Pepperdine University in Malibu, California.

This blog will contain my observations of daily life as I attempt to weed through the next few years. First and foremost, I am a storyteller and I will always have the perspective of someone looking for the momentous feeling that little moments can often have. Thank you for going on this ride with me.