Overwhelmed

August could not come soon enough and slow enough. The pressure at times feels overwhelming, trying to prepare for so much. In a way, getting ready for the full-time program, I feel like I need to completely finish this chapter in my life or I won't be able to focus on the next one. For the last year, my focus has been playing creatively with a variety of projects. A few spec commercials that I produced last August are finally almost done and are getting some traction. It would be amazing if we could recoup our funding and sell them before I start school. This is just one of the many little goals I would love to accomplish before I embark on this new crazy "academic" section of my life. Even while completing my undergraduate degree, I worked. I always worked on films and creative projects. While I believe school does not completely hinder this side of myself, I feel like it needs to go into hibernation, if only for practical reasons.

I hope that my friends and family and boyfriend (who is also in the film industry) will keep me connected, allowing me the blessed closeness and distance to my field. I am ready to learn something new, stuck in a career rut that won't allow me to achieve my ultimate goals. However, this summer feels like the last hurrah from my "old life." My last fling of creativity for a while, except for this blog. I am hurriedly trying to finish a comic book proposal that I've been working on with my boyfriend before Comic-Con and feel like after that, which occurs during the end of July, I'll officially be a "student." A real, full-time student. Terrified is probably an accurate word.

For now, I will remain a juggler, meeting with financial aid, attempting to secure loans, and holding on the part of me that would kind of like to stay in the simple, known world I exist in. But I know that isn't reasonable nor would it truly satisfy me in the long run. For every step I take forward, I have to untie the strings that bind me to safety. And that's ok. I think.